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"What's in the Pocket?"

     A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini.
     After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double martini.
     Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
     The customer replied, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

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When was Rome built

Teacher:   When was Rome built?
Tom:        At night.
Teacher:  Who told you that?
Tom:        You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day

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Much Worse  
　Policeman:   Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
　Man:      If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

Time Is Money
  
     As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light, I asked the driver, "Do you agree that 'Time is money'?"
     "Well, it's a very common saying. Who will care so much about that?" the driver answered.
     "Look, the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped, "I pointed at the meter.
     "Oh, yes. You've got a point here. In this case, time is money for both of us." added the driver.

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Our Tails  
     The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
     "I‘ll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
我们的尾巴
       教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”
     “我来试试看，”一位老太太说。“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

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Marriage Arranged by an Unborn Baby
  
        The other day a Chinese told me that to go with the traditional custom, one's marriage has to be decided by his or her parents and that accordingly, her mother's marriage was arranged by her grandparents, but her sister has broken the tradition.
        "How?" I asked. "Her marriage was arranged by her unborn baby." "What do you mean?" I was puzzled.
        "She had to get married because of her premarital pregnancy, "She explained in embarrassment.

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He told me to see you
Doctor:  And whom did you consult about your illness before you came to me?
Patient:  Only the druggist down at the corner.
Doctor:  And what sort of ridiculous advice did he gave you?
Patient:: He told me to see you!

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The climate here doesn't agree with me
The local weatherman was often in his forecasts, so he applied for a transfer.
"Why do you want to be transferred?" wrote the headquarters.
"Because," the forecaster answered, " the climate here doesn't agree with me."

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How do you know that?
Bob: My car doesn't have a speedometer.
Rob: Then how do you know how fast you're going?
Bob: Well, when I'm driving at 15 miles an hour, the fenders rattle; at 25 miles an hour, the windows rattle; and at 30, the motor starts knocking-and that's as fast as it'll go.

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Napoleon Was Ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!"
&quotlease, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

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An interview
A man was sitting at an interview, in his new suit, looking his very best.

As he put his hands down to make a point, he and his interviewer noticed the price tag was still attached to the sleeve.

"Well", the man said, "at least I can take the suit back if I don't get the job.