英語小幽默

hung

广东安规检测
有限公司提供：

小型摆管淋雨试验机

IPX5X6X7喷水试验机

1000L恒温恒湿箱

各种试验指现货

可程式恒温恒湿试验箱

水平垂直燃烧机

自动卷线器试验机

耐划痕试验机

各种灯头量规现货

灼热丝试验机现货

GB1002插头量规

IPX1-X7淋雨现货

IEC61347/UL935镇流器热试验箱

灯具防风罩

IK冲击试验机

UL498插头插座量规

VDE0620插头插座量规

稳定性试验台

家电温升测试角

针焰试验机现货

热电偶焊机现货

家电125mm试验指

E12灯头量规

无绳壶无绳电熨斗插拔寿命试验机

IEC60335试验指甲

A teacher
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPILS: A teacher

hung

结婚付出的代价
A little boy asked his father, " Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? "
The father replied, " I don 't know ,son. I 'm still paying!! "

hung

Never Let it Go Out
概不外借
       Mark Twain once went to borrow a certain book from a neighbour in Tarry town. "May I borrow a book from you?" he asked politely.  "Yes,you're more than welcome to it," the neighbour told him.  "But I must ask you to read it here. You know I make a rule never to let any book go out of my library."
         Some days later the neighbour wished to borrow Twain's machine for cutting grass in the garden. "Why,certainly," Twain told him,"You're  more than welcome to it. But I must ask you to use it here. You know that I make it a rule never to let it go out of my garden."

hung

Let me  take it  down
         An elephant said to a mouse ,"No doubt that you are
the smallest and most useless thing that I have ever seen ."
        &quotlease ,say it again . Let me take it down ." the mouse
said . " I will tell a flea what I know."
        为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”
“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

hung

Does the dog know the proverb, too?
        A little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
        "It's all right." said a gentleman. " Don't be afraid.  Don't you know the proverb. 'Barking dogs don't bite'?"
      "Ah, yes." answered the little boy.  " I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

hung

Mother Was Too Busy
Teacher:  Mike, you're always asking your father to do your homework instead, and again this time...
Mike: Pardon, sir,this time at first I would not let him do it ,  but mother was too busy.

The First Day as a Taxi Driver
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

hung

Two  Cute dogs
        A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
        He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
       The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
       The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
        "Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
        The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."

hung

wenty Dollars  
“I'm  sorry ，Madam ，but I shall  have  to  charge  you  twenty  dollars  for  pulling  your  boy's  tooth .”        
    “Twenty  dollars!   Why，I  understand  you  to  say  that  you  charged  only  four  dollars  for  such  work!”
    “Yes ，but  this  youngster  yelled  so  terribly  that  he  scared  four  other  patients  out   of  the  office  .”
    “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
    “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”
    “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

hung

A Blind Man and his Dog
        A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day.  They come to a busy intersection(交叉路口), and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by(快速驶过） on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic.  This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
　　The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog.
　　A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"
　　The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies,
　　"To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."

hung

The plural form of "child"
Teacher:  What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom:        Men.
Teacher:  Good. And the plural of child?
Tom:         Twins.

Visiting a Chicken Farm



One day, a teacher took his pupils to a chicken farm to pay a visit. When they came near the incubator, a chick just got out of its eggshell.
"It's wonderful to see a little thing come out from the eggshell, Isn't it?" the teacher said.
"Yes, sir." said one of the boys, "but it would be more wonderful if we knew how a chick gets into its eggshell before hand."