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“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” - Jimmy Dean
Have you ever been doing great with a goal or habit change — exercise, waking early, becoming organized, eating healthy , anything — and your progress was completely disrupted because of some major event in your life(death, marriage, illness, work, etc.)?
Of course you have. It’s happened to all of us.
Life gets in the way.
Fortunately, although we often give up our goals when something like this happens, a life event that disrupts your progress doesn’t have to sidetrack your goal completely. You can overcome this obstacle — and it is an obstacle, just like any other.
Reader quench recently wrote in with a great question:
“Oftentimes, I have just one goal, as you suggest, and I am focused fully on that one goal, the baby steps, etc. Then all of a sudden, out of the blue, there’s some crisis in another part of my life - my boyfriend will become enormously demanding, my brother will get hospitalized with a life-threatening illness, my boss will decide there is an emergency that I have to handle overtime, etc.! This happens will such frequency, that it’s almost predictable, every time I start really buckling down on what I need to do to accomplish my goal. Then when I thoroughly demoralized, and lying around unmotivated, everything else in my life seems to calm down, and I’m just left wondering how to pick myself up again.”
This is an awesome question, because it’s so true to life . Things happen to all of us … but the real determination is how do we deal with them. Do we get discouraged and give up, or do we figure out a way around and keep going?
Here’s the thing: the path to every goal is littered with obstacles. You must, must, must, absolutely must anticipate that you will run into obstacles … figure out ways around them … and keep going.
Here’s how to do that:
1. Anticipate, anticipate. Think ahead. What obstacles do you see on the horizon? What obstacles have you run into in the past? What will change your routine? Weekends are a mini-obstacle that often seem to derail people trying to create a habit. But there are other changes in routines …holidays , summer, big events, changes at work, birthdays … these are often things you can anticipate and plan for. When you see something coming up on the horizon that might derail you, plan for it. Make it a part of your plan.
An example: I’ve been trying to learn to eat under my new meal plan … and I knew that a birthday party was coming up. Well, I anticipated it, learned the restaurant, researched the menu, and incorporated it into my plan. But on another occasion, I just anticipated the family event and allowed it to be one of my two cheat meals for the week. You have to be able to let up a little if you want to stick to it for the long term.
2. Find the path. When you see an obstacle, are you just going to give up? I hope not. An obstacle is just something we have to get around, or over … it’s not a reason to quit. So instead of quitting, ask yourself: how do I get around this obstacle? There’s always a solution, if you’re creative enough.
Sometimes there isn’t just one path. And it can be hard to decide which solution to choose. But don’t fret: choose one path, and see if it works. If it doesn’t, try another.life is an experiment.
3. Two steps forward, one step back. You will face some setbacks every now and then. That’s a part of achieving any goal worth achieving — if it were too easy, it’s not a worthy goal.
But instead of seeing the setback as something discouraging, just accept it as a part of the journey. “Two steps forward, one step back,” is what I always tell myself … and it’s a realization that even with setbacks, I’m still making forward progress over the long run.
For example, I’ve had some setbacks when it comes to my exercise habit. I often seem to get sick after a few weeks of continuous exercise. But though illness has set me back a few times, I’ve now learned to see it as a welcome break, allowing my body to recover. Think of it as a time out … you’re allowed to rest when you’re sick, and when you get better, you’ll be recharged and ready to start again.
4. If you fall, get up, and learn from it. All of us fail, from time to time. No one is successful all the time. But instead of letting failure stop us completely, you just need to get up and dust yourself off … and this part is important: learn from your experience. When you fail, ask yourself: why did I fail? What stopped me? What obstacles got in my way? And how can I get around them next time it happens (and yes, it will happen again). And plan for next time.
An example: When I was quitting smoking, I had several failures. But each time, I asked myself what I did wrong. What derailed me? And I incorporated those obstacles into my plan. The common obstacles that led to a relapse in my smoking included stressful events, going out and drinking (and smoking) with friends, and stressful family events. Eventually, I succeeded … but I wouldn’t have done so if I just kept letting the same obstacles derail me.
5. Find new motivation. Sometimes a setback will leave us not only derailed, but demotivated. So the real problem is finding the motivation to start again. So, it helps to get back to the basics: what made you want to start in the first place? What was your reason for change? What motivated you? Thinking about that, and the benefits it will have in your life, and the way things will be once you’ve accomplished the goal, can help motivate you.
But I also recommend adding additional motivators, to help jump start you. Read this article about motivation , and these articles for more.
6. Go with the flow. Change is good. Change is a part of life. We might like our routines, but there will always be something that comes along to disrupt them. Accept that, embrace it, and learn to flow with it. If we become too rigid, we will break in the face of the pressures of life. But if we learn to accommodate those changes that life, we’ll be happier and we’ll get to where we want to be.
throws at us, and still head towards our goal
Be willing to be flexible. Change comes at you … don’t despair, or get frustrated … take that change and make it a part of your plan.
life will throw us curveballs. With practice, we can learn to hit them out of the park.
“我无法改变风的方向，而我却能调整我的风帆，从而永远能到达我的目的地。”——吉米。邓恩
你是否曾经为自己设定过不错的目标或是改变自己的习惯——开始锻炼、起早散步、变得有规律、健康饮食等等——然而你的计划却被其他的一些重要的事件所搅乱，比如死亡、结婚、疾病、工作等等。
当然你曾经会经历过。这样的事情发生在我们每一个人的身上。
生活步入轨道
幸运的是，当像这样的事情发生的时候，虽然我们常常会放弃我们的目标，生活中的一件事情虽然会中断你的计划，但却不会完全阻碍你向目标进发,你能够克服这些困难——就像其他的阻碍一样，他们仅仅是一个阻碍。
抑郁的读者最近给我写了封信问了这样一个重要的问题：
“我有时仅仅有一个目标，就像你建议的一样，并且当我全身心地投入到那个目标里面时，小孩爬了过来……然后突然，让人沮丧，我的生活却出现了一些危机——我的男友变得无理取闹，我的兄弟得了顽疾，我的老板要我去及时处理一个紧急的事情，等等！这些东西发生得是如此的平凡，以至于他们都可以预料到，当我要埋头开始做一些和我的目标有关的东西的时候。然而一遇到这些事情就变得很沮丧，然后就没有了动力。当周围的事情平静下来时，我就开始想如何才能又激发自己去朝目标奋斗。”
这的确是一个恼人的问题，因为它在我们的生活中是如此的触手可及。事情都会发生在我们每个人的身上……但真正的问题是我们如何处理解决他们，我们是放弃还是想出办法继续前进。
应该这样去处理这些问题：通向成功之路充满荆棘。你千万，千万，千万要明白你会遇上阻碍。竭尽全力跨越他们，然后继续前进。
1.预期再预期
提前思考一下。在你目所能及的范围内你将会遇到什么样的困难？你已经经历过什么样的困难？什么会使得你改变原来的路线？周末十一个小小的阻碍，因为它使人们养成一些不好的习惯。这里还有一些其他日常的变化像假期、暑假、重要的事情、工作变动、生日……这些事你都可以预期并且使你堕落，所以你应好好为之计划，把他们列入你计划的一部分。
一个例子：我曾经试图养成照我的新饮食计划的习惯，而我知道一个生日聚会将要来到。所以，我计划了一下，了解了下餐厅，看了看菜单，并且安排进了我的计划里面。但是另外一个是我所预料家庭聚会，我把它作为我一周两次破例饮食的其中之一。如果你想坚持到底的话你就需要能抵御意外。
2找到办法
当你遇到困难，你是会放弃吗？我希望不要。我们要避开一个阻碍或是跨越它……而不是一个理由去放弃他。所以抛开放弃，问自己：“我如何越过这个难题？”肯定有解决的办法，只要你有足够的想象力。
有时候条条大路通罗马。而这就使得选哪个方法变得很难。但不要苦恼：选一条路，看他是否奏效。如果不奏效，选另一个试试。生活有时是个实验。
3.三思而后行
你无论何时都会遇到一些挫折。那只是达到目标的一部分——如果路途太平坦，那么只能说明那是一个不值得的目标。
视挫折为道路上的一部分而不要为此泄气。“三思而后行”，我总是这样告诫自己……这是曾经与挫折打交道的经验，所以我现在任然在漫漫长路上取得进步。
提一个例子，我在锻炼时常常遇到挫折。我在几周持续的锻炼之后看起来像得病一样。但是疾病只让我停滞了几次，我已经把他们看作是愉快的中途休息，从而使得我的身躯可以回复。所以当你病时应该休息，并且等你好时，就会焕然一新准备再次开始。
4.学会在哪摔倒在哪爬起。
我们人人时常会失败。没有常胜将军，在失败后应重新振作而不是被完全打到。从经验中学东西这很重要。当你失败时，问自己：为什么我会失败？什么阻碍了我？什么阻碍了我的路？当他们再次发生时我要如何面对？并且为下次做好准备。
一个例子：当我放弃吸烟，我有几次失败。但每次，我都问自己哪错了。什么使得我有所怠慢？然后我吧这些阻碍列入计划。
5:重获动力
一个阻碍时常不仅会使得我们堕落，还使得我们没了斗志。所以这个真正的问题是找到动力重新开始。所以，动力帮我们重新开始。什么使你最初的动力？什么使你改变？什么驱动了你？好好想想他们，你将从他们那获益，并且你要从你曾经完成的事情那获得斗志。
6.跟随潮流。
改变是一个好东西。改变是生活的一部分。我们喜欢依循路线，但这总会有东西来阻碍。接受他们吧，并且拥抱他们，学会接受潮流。如果我们太过执着，我们将会陷入生活的压力之中。但如果我们学会包容那些变化，我们将变得快乐并到达我们想去之地。
让我们似离弦之箭，并朝向我们的目标。
变得灵活。变化来自你……别绝望，或是沮丧。接受那些改变并成为你计划一部分。
岁月常捉弄人，通过努力，我们能够把握自己的生活。 |
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